On Blogging

In a certain personality test, there’s a question which somehow goes: if you are currently panic-stricken, tired and stressed out, your favorite therapy would be: (a) retail therapy, (b) food tripping, (c) a hot bubble bath (or a good massage), (d) night out with girl friends. Personally I would have answered all of the above, but recently I realize that I would have added another option to the list: (e) writing in a blog or journal.

I’ve kept so many journals since my elementary days, as requirement for class, but it’s only now that I’m able to maintain an online blog, just for the heck of it. It’s been three years running so far, and though there are writers’ blocks, I’m glad I’m still able to update it at least once a month. Of course, my obsession with multiply came and heightened even more, which lessened my updating of the blogspot for a while (I’ve migrated all my reviews and albums and general blog entries there already), and I’ve just started this spiritual/prayer blog, so it’s getting quite interesting to juggle all three altogether (minus friendster and all those similar friends-friends accounts! Phew!).

Sometimes though, especially in defining moments, I suddenly drop all things to fulfill the sudden urge to write all these feelings off not just for therapy’s sake but for posterity as well. Just like today, when I’m so overcome and overwhelmed to post multiple entries in all blogs! Haha!

It all started with a recently posted blog entry which reminded me of a similar entry I posted many years ago. Because I was trying to find which “era” in the archives I saved it too, the search for the missing entry became a full-blown trip down memory lane. I read and read many entries I’ve written over the years—my love-hate relationship with my career, crazy girl bondings, my growth in DAYS, and of course, the love entries which I think occupied about 80% of my archive space! I smiled as I read some of the good memories, and I winced at the forgettable ones. How fast time flies talaga! It’s nice and haunting at the same time to be nostalgic—to see how much you’ve realized and how many lessons you’ve learned and actually applied. How many mistakes you’ve now avoided. How much you’ve sacrificed. How much you’ve celebrated. How much you’ve Loved.

So to me, and all the bloggers out there… Cheers to more and more years of whining, rejoicing, learning, sharing, writing and blog-hopping!

Whine Schmine

Lately, because of work stress, I find myself being cranky and complaining about the littlest things. I whine about being toxic, lack of sleep, inefficiency, bad service, among many many others. And I'm beginning to hate myself for it. I don't like having all these bad energies. I wish I can truly begin to accept things, be more patient and think first before saying something negative. That's what tanggap nang tanggap means right?  

I want to be able to have control of my feelings, to think of how complaining can also affect the disposition of people around me. I want to be able to appreciate the blessings that come into my life, as many other people do receive even less, instead of thinking about what I'm lacking or suffering for the meantime. For it is these hard times that make us stronger individuals… whether we would be able to rise above these struggles, or to let them get the best of us.

I pray for a more positive heart and mind, to let the grace of God fill me during these troubling, tempting times that I may be able to avoid complaining, step back first and think clearly on how to turn challenging situations around and make the best of things instead.

Oprah’s Paying it Forward

Caught the primetime telecast of Oprah last night at Hallmark, and the ep featured Oprah's newest project of Paying it Forward. Every year, Oprah became famous and equally notorious for giving everyone in her audience her favorite thing. But this year, she decided to give a different gift to her studio audience–the chance to do an act of kindness to a stranger for 1000 bucks apiece. Each of these receipients were then loaned videocameras to document their experiences and interactions as they proceeded to change the world with their 1000 USD. And the rest became Pay it Forward History.

It was really inspiring and heartwarming to see how much these people went out of their ways to help total strangers. They became miracles, angels, bringers of good will. And in the end, the givers ended up receiving more, for the joy in their hearts because of selfless acts of giving could not be replaced by any material possession.

It was wonderful to witness how people still possess a great big amount of goodness enough to make a difference in other people's lives. I wonder if the same can also be done in the Philippines, without any politician or media exploiting such acts of generosity. Sometimes, we don't have to wait for Christmas to be more generous or to be more kind to others. Simple acts can go a long way, like opening doors for elderly or smiling at a stranger or assisting the disabled or giving food to street kids. If we all develop this habit, then each one of us can live a life of example and inspiration for others to also do good. And it doesn't necessarily need a thousand bucks, nor Oprah, to make that come true.

Living the Mass

I've always heard Mass with fam every Sunday. We grew up knowing the importance of attending Sunday Mass, but not being able to properly appreciate its value in our lives. We knew that if we didn't hear Mass, it was a great sin against God, and that we would be ungrateful to offer to Him just one hour of worship when we were given a whole week to ourselves. We heard Mass out of fear of the consequences, not out of love.

Even if I was active in Church work when I was younger, it was only through DAYS that I was able to really value hearing Mass to connect with Him, not because I was required but because I really looked forward to the celebration. Today, as a Dazer, I realize the grace  one receives through sincerity of prayer, not just in merely being a mere observer during Mass. As one matures, hopefully, so does one's relationship with God. Such relationship grows and evolves over time, because the person that worships also grows in experience and thus relates differently to Him at different points in his life.

Today, the challenge for me is not just valuing the celebration of the Mass, but actually living by its Word and example. Often times, I find myself tempted to say or do things that are not pleasant to Him nor to others, because it may be the easier or more convenient alternative at the time. Yesterday, at a dinner event with friends, I had a great time meeting up with old friends from my college org, and had a blast reminiscing conferences and sukebes. Looking back though, even if I cracked the most jokes and made sure that everyone was having fun, I knew that some of the things I said were not so proper. I made people laugh, but at the expense of others. Worse, I made fun of someone else behind his back. I cringe and sigh now as I think about it. Because I know that I'm better than this. Because I know that it's not right, and yet I still pursue to commit such folly.

Sometimes, I wish that I was more prim and proper, not too boisterous and loud as I often am. I know my manners shall reflect not just my parents but also my values and upbringing, and I want to make them proud. But this often involves really determination and persistence to do what's right, and presence of mind to avoid temptation to commit even the littlest sins as they come our way. Even if it's mere lying or gossiping or talking negatively about other people, I cannot take these acts lightly because these are the easiest and most often sins that we fail to acknowledge during our personal reflections. Hence, there is that danger of committing these acts repeatedly, and they then accummulate until we tolerate and learn to imbite them as personal habits.

I do value prayer and the Mass and living a good life as the Word commands us, but sometimes it is truly easier said than done. It's an everyday struggle, but I hope that I can overcome and learn to outgrow being too gossip-y or negative by being more conscious and cautious of how my words and actions can affect people and God most especially. The goal to become a better person may start by a small step, but this small step I shall take on willingly.. starting today.

iCOMPLI

Have not been attending get-togethers and dinner-outs lately because of a new project I'm handling. With the stress and the weekend tasks, it gets harder and harder to wake up in the morning and drag my tired self back to the office. There are times when I do want to resign and travel and establish my own business so I can control my own schedule. But then I'd still have to save up for that, so for the meantime I'd make do and give my best to what I have now.

It's been a rollercoaster working for LRI so far. I've been here for almost a year but it already seems like centuries. The work is fast-paced and challenging, and it demands every ounce of creativity, strategic thinking and relationship building skills. I'd like to think that there's a reason why my destiny seems to be intertwined with the pharmaceutical industry–that there is a calling for me to help out other people through the products and services we carry. Since I can't pursue medicine because of my fear of blood and the OR, I guess the pharma world is the next best thing.

With my passion to collect and join as many membership clubs as possible and to facilitate CSR programs, I'd think that I was born to spearhead LRI's new patient program iCOMPLI. The vision to improve long-term compliance of patients with chronic disease is truly remarkable, but it entails also careful planning and seamless execution and partnership with different agencies involved. I keep focusing on that objective so that I won't drown with all the stress and neverending tasks-to-do, especially because I'm a one-woman team.

So far, roll-out is but a few days away. So far, everything's on schedule. I pray and lift everything to Him, that all these shall come to pass soon. But while I'm at it, might as well enjoy the ride… and ride it for all it's worth.

World Vision

I used to joke around with friends that if I won't be able to find a husband, i'll just go ahead and adopt a kid so i can satisfy my maternal instincts. At the back of my mind, that joke was really half-meant. I have always wanted to adopt, not necessarily the Angelina Jolie method, but somehow share my blessings with kids.

First time I've encountered World Vision  was back in 2003, when we had an AIESEC CSR seminar at the fort and they were one of the booth sponsors. I was really interested to adopt and sponsor because the responsibility to commit is not that demanding, especially for first-timers, and yet the sponsor can create an impact to a child's life. But finances as a mere student were still minimal during that time so I didn't push through with the partnership. Many encounters later, I felt like the timing still wasn't right, I wasn't emotionally nor financially ready to participate yet. Four years after, as part of my NY's resolution, I was ready and vowed to really look for a way to sponsor a kid through them–if I come across a World Vision booth then I'd immediately sign up. However there was no booth in sight.

(I guess it's really true what they say: when you need something urgently, like a taxicab, it becomes more impossible to find. But when you're not looking for it, these become more available. The irony of life… go figure. I guess these situations help us to appreciate more what we have now)

I decided to pursue them through the website, and after asking closest officemates Anna and Gino, who apparently both adopted kids as well, I was told to wait for the sponsee's profile in a few days. I thought at first that I can choose the kid, but then like the best things in life, sometimes these things are just given to you. So I prayed and waited, and hoped that the kid and I would make a connection.

Days after, the World Vision representative brought me the profile card at the Hotel Sofitel, where I was having a seminar, and my heart leaped upon seeing my new adopted kid Rossamie:

Hmm.. she's not smiling a lot for a six-year old, though her favorite subject is foreign language. Some smart kid, just like her sponsor She lives in the Himalaya Project in Occidental Mindoro in Mindanao where Inang is from, so I took that as a good sign.

I'm not really sure how this would turn out, but I do hope to help out and make a difference somehow for her and her family. It really feels good to help out, even from a distance, that somehow instead of spending for McDonalds, that same amount of money can help build better lives instead.

I've written Rossamie a letter, telling her about my life and asking a little bit about hers. I hope she writes back soon. Someday I do hope to meet her and thank her for making me a better person.

Losing my Religion

I have long been encouraged by my "anak" Koryn to switch my blog to i.ph and today, I have finally given in. Thanks to her, i have inspiration also for a site name. I'm loving the site so far but I have yet to learn how to maneuver the settings. Erm, this may take a while to perfect, pero sabi nga ni Piolo Pascual.. "I'm getting there".

Though I haven't totally given up on my old one (http://gladaxjudai.blogspot.com) and my photo blog (http://gladysjudan.multiply.com), I felt it necessary to have another, this time for my "prayer reflections". Totally different from those religion classes when we were required to submit journals of daily bible reflections. I believe more in spirituality anyway, even if I still value religious ceremonies and traditions as well. Since I don't have DAYS often, I feel the urge to write and document my spiritual growth somewhere–not necessarily for others' viewing pleasure but more as a personal outlet and a way to keep track of my learnings and situations that I've encountered which hopefully would make me a better person and help me lead a better life.

Hmm… sounds all too vague maybe. But it's been quite some time now that I've had the urge to really do something concrete about my life. I need to grow, to make the most of what God has given me, to do something for others for a change.  

Changing people's lives and making my own more meaningful is a mindset that I have been trained with because of my affiliations with AIESEC and DAYS WITH THE LORD. Maybe I'm a closet anthropologist / humanitarian… it's what I've always wanted to do. And though I can't yet let go of the corporate life, somehow someday I will find a way to become active with foundations and NGOs.. with lots of kids hopefully

Then again, if I look back on the good things and the blessings and the unexpected surprises that I'd be able to document here, then maybe I'll find some hope, some strength to go on in those dark, desperate days.

Till then. Here's to a Better Me, and a Better World.